youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
