Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
