Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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