Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
