if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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