I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
