she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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