True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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