You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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