Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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