i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
