I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
