When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
