I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
