I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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