What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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