i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
