Your mouth is God's brothel.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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