his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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