they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My life is pants optional.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
