I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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