proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
