Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
