tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
