i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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