I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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