I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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