There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
