It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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