sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
