So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
