I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
