i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
