and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wow bdsm is so cute
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
