he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
