You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
