Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
