If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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