I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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