chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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