If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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