so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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