you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
