Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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