Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
