Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
