He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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