after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize