I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
