god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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