Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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