they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
