Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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