Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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