turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
