I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
