I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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