He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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