singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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