Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
