why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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