I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
