And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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