i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
