why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
