Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
