You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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