Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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