haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
