Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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