You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
