is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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