If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize