I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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